When I'm Gone

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When I'm Gone

Post  Emma-xxx on Wed Oct 22, 2008 1:13 pm

Okay, so this is probably not the best thing i've ever wrote, but I really needed to get it out, 'cause this thing is really killing me. Please read and comment?

You used to be the reason
I thought this place was cool.
Now you're just the reason
I don't wanna go to school.

You don't like it when I cry
But have you consideret
maybe you're the reason why
I slit my wrists in the recess?

If I've done something wrong, tell me.
If you don't want me anymore,
go right ahead and sell me,
to whoever does.
If anyone does.

Is it because I'm ugly,
or because I'm fat?
Honestly,
I'd never think you were like that.

I won't bother you any more,
I'll let you swim along the chore.
I will let you go,
because God wants me to do so.

So the day you see I'm gone
will you be sad,
will you cry,
will you realize what you've done?


And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
-When I'm Gone by Eminem
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Emma-xxx

Number of posts : 330
Age : 25
Location : Under my hat, Denmark
Registration date : 2008-02-19

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Re: When I'm Gone

Post  Bsangel on Wed Oct 22, 2008 1:18 pm

Nice.. I think it is a good poem (reminds me of the song, you quoted in the end, or missing by evanescence). I think there are some places you may have to think about. F.x. the part with "whoever does, if anyone does". The meaning fits with the rest, but I think the "tone/ring" is a bit different than the rest. if you understand, what I mean scratch
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Bsangel

Number of posts : 28
Age : 26
Location : Denmark, a green but not so small village
Registration date : 2008-02-22

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