Because Life Is Unkind

saraheatspants Sat Apr 19, 2008 8:57 am

Because Life is Unkind.

You’re breath-taking.
You’re amazing.
You’re beautiful.
You’re something else.
Something unspeakable.
That’s why I need you in my life.
Yet Life has been Unkind.

I’ve been praying.
I’ve been pleading.
I’ve been wishing.
For you to stay with me.
Yet Life has been Unkind.

My life has lost all its meaning, without you there by my side. You’re departure ripped my heart apart; turned many days into dreary nights.
All because you left me here. On my own.

Do you remember our last words?
The word’s that were spoken with such dignity and meaning.
Do you remember our last touch?
The touch that drove my heart into attack.
Do you remember our last kiss?
The kiss that was our first.
Do you even remember me?

You were apart of my life, yet you left.
No word’s spoken. No warning. Gone.

You left me unaware left me with no hope.
You were one of my best friends, a best friend whom was different from the rest. Different, not because of gender, but because of rationality.
Because of purpose.

“You just call out my name, I’ll be there. Always.” You shouted to me through the busty winter rain.
Pounding breathlessly against the tin rooftop’s covering the warm homes.
“Promise?” I asked sweetly in reply, my curious eyes glazing over your wet body, yet you were still alight as usual.
“Promise.” Your voice was cool and confident. The way it always was.

You broke a promise.
A promise to my heart; I held it so dear, so close.
Yet you broke it.
But I forgive you, like I always have.

The game we played was a game of chance. My tragic love affair, I don’t even understand.
I hid it from your eyes, keeping it tightly under my coat. Hidden behind my warm flesh, deep within my heart. A secret you never knew for four years.
Four; your favourite number.

Your smile plastered on your face as usual. Happy just to sit with me.
Your presence killing me from within. A presence I knew I could never be with, be mine.
“Abby?” I whispered, soft and course.
“Mhmm?” Your face still alight with happiness. Wishing you’d stop, but I knew it wouldn’t end. You were just making this harder than it had to be.
“I can’t be with you-” As my own voice dropped, your smile dropped simultaneously.
“I can’t hang with you. Today.” I recovered slowly, standing up in the midst of your confusion and my lie.
“Mhmm.” Your smile was back.
My body moved painfully from within your girly-room, out into the beige hallway. Squeezing my eyes shut, hiding away the pain you caused me.
Why?
Why give me such pain, but I withstood it as always. And walked out.

I walked out on you. Not from your life, but from your day. Your last glorious sunny day.
The last day of your life.
But I never spent it with you. I walked out on you.
I’m Sorry.

It’s okay to feel broken. It’s okay to have feelings. To express the emotion of meanings.
Just because I’m a boy, I still have these.
Because its life, and my life in unkind.

The day moved on, not a word was heard or spoken from you.
My curiosity got the better of me, needing to hear your voice.
I fingered the tattered piece of paper in my right pocket, feeling the sharp edges with the tip of my finger, the finger now covered in blood.

“Abby, where are you?” My voice was sullen, down. Missing your presence killed me more than words could explain.
“At the park.” You answered instantly, without another word.
“Can I meet you there?” Joy rose through my vocabulary, rising to the highest of occasions.
“Sorry, no. I’m with Zack.” My joy hit pit bottom.
“Okay.” Your voice was empty, no words to express.
You knew I hated Zack.
A player. A user. A rapist, yet you never believed me.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The single tone echoed through your ear piece. I had enough.

I’d take back every word.
I’d take back every saying.
I’d take back every feeling if I had the chance.
You never gave me that chance.

Your presence was like a huge explosion. Overtaking my world. Your life had made its mark.
It never went away.
It couldn’t be healed this time.

I rounded the corner, anger bubbling away, finger still resting upon the note. You were still in my conscience, I didn’t want you there.
But you wouldn’t leave.
Ring. Ring. Ring.
“Hey-.” My voice was low, deep and hoarse. Full of anger and hatred. Towards you.
“Help- help me Dougie- please?”
“Abby?”
“Pa-park.” Your voice was scared, silent and soft. It dug deeper into my soul, deeper than you ever had before.

My pace thickened, I jogged, I ran, I sprinted to be by your side.
I edged the park to see you leaning against a tree, blood staining the bright green grass.
Our eyes met, mine worried, and yours scared. I ran by your side, you were limp, tired.
The ambulance bells chimed in the distance as in a blink of light you were pulled within the steady steel van doors.
Vanished.
Forever?

I left you.
Out of despise and hatred.
You left me.
Out of pain and time.

Your mothers eyes were wet, your fathers dry.
You rested in pure white sheets, eyes wet staring through the shining window. Your blood upon my flesh, my body, my fingers.
You smiled.
A smile I didn’t want to miss, but have with me. Why could you leave me? Did you wish to leave, leave me in misery?
I needed you.

“Dougie.” Your smile stitched my heart together, the pure white sheets giving you a ghostly complexion.
“Abby.” My words were soft, but meant meaning to you. I’m sure of it.
“Thank you.”
My mouth was shut, the vocabulary gone. I placed my note, stained with blood and tears on your bedside table.
Sat next to you softly, staring through the window, your head resting upon my shoulder. Your soft sigh’s drifted in rhythm, your sleep soft and love-able.
“Goodnight, till morning.”
As my steps reached the closed door, I glanced at your blood-loss profile.
Smiled.

Did you ever think there would be no morning?
Did you ever think you wouldn’t have the chance to see daylight again?
Did you ever think you would be causing pain and agony to the people who cared for you?

My life was nearly shattered. I still had hope; hope that you’d return.
I sat in the dull hospital hallway, whispering your name.
You said to call your name, you’d be there. You promised. You broke it once.

Your presence was withering like the wind.
Storms brew in my head, waiting for the nightmare to end. Three warm bodies reached my side. Held me close.
I cried.
Cried like I never had before.
I cried for you.
Do you feel happy now? Happy to make your best friend cry? You took my soul, you trashed it.

“Dougie, she wishes to see you.” Your parent’s tones were low, sullen faces.
Your father had finally cried. Cried for as you said, the fourth time in his forty-five year old life.
“Go.” Danny whispered pushing me.
“Tell her we love her. Always have. Always will.” Tom’s posture was sallow, his eyes puffy red.
He meant it. He always did. My journey to your room was hell. Hell on my shoulders.
There you were, sicker than before, but beautiful as always. You smiled, smiled like the sun had just hit the earth.
“Dougie Lee Poynter.”
The note was tightly in your hand, tear marks through your white cheeks.
I smiled, thinking positive, yet you threw it away.
“Abby Marie Helyer.”
You gulped and tears splurged from your eye sockets.
“Hey don’t cry, you’ll be alright.”
“Sorry Dougie. I won’t, not anymore.”
As your tear’s stained my bloodstained Hurley shirt, you handed me a second note as you re-read my note to you,

‘Dear Abby Marie Heyler,
I love you.
Love Dougie Lee Poynter’

My eyes dug deep into your droopy figure. You were sick, badly sick. My heart caved in as the pain zipped through my body. Tear’s sprung to my own eyes, not falling just staying kept tightly within the sockets.
I opened your letter, the one you gave me moments before time.

‘Dear Dougie Lee Poynter,
I love you too.
Pure love, not friendship.
Love Abby Marie Heyler.’

I’d love you.
I’d hold you.
I’d get down on one knee for you.
I’d love you ‘til the end of time.
I’d love you dead or alive.
Only if it were possible for you to stay in my arms for life.

Your deep green eyes met with my sparkling blue-grey ones.
You smiled the smile I never realized would be the beginning of your last.
Our heads inched closer.
In one swift moment I received the first breathtaking kiss from the girl of my dreams.
My own smile replaced my upset expression.
As your smooth touch tingled upon my dry lips, you eyes glanced back out towards the dark night.
You closed your green eyes, gleaming in my direction one last time.
Your final smile.
Your final sparkle.
Your deep green eyes whisked inside my heart.
Shutting slowly, to allow the maximum potential left.
Finally shut the beeping hit off the passion.
Machines whizzed, only then I realized I lost you.
I lost the girl of my dreams.
The smile, the sparkle, the green eyes.
Forever.

Why did you do this Abby?
I need you; I could be there for you.
You left.
No reason, nothing.

How can I live without your love?
Danny can’t provide me with it. Nor Harry or Tom. Only your touch counts but my nights are getting colder.
But you’re my high heaven angel, gleaming down upon me. Not beside me.

I’ve cried a hundred rivers for you.
Yet you won’t save me anymore?
I’ve been there for you always.
Yet you bail on me in my time of need?
I’d give you anything you’d wish for.
But you wished away, gone before my eyes?
You see what I get for falling in love with you.
My dreams have become better than reality, all because I get to experience life with you.

I dreamt of kissing you.
Kissing you at midnight.
Kissing you in daylight.
You looked beautiful, always had.
My chance to kiss you was here.
I took my chance.
You returned the favor once.
But never again.

‘You were surrounded by loved ones.
Your Mother, Father, the boys; Danny, Tom and Harry.
And then me.
Lonely without you.
“Come back Abby, come back.”
Danny grasped my shoulders, tightly pulling me into a comforting hug.
“I need you Abby.” My whisper was the softest it’s ever been. As tear’s spooled from my eyes, not controlling the pain anymore.
You broke a promise twice.’

Can I say I love you?
Like my life depends on it.
Can I say I need you?
Like there’s no other in the world.
Can I say I want you back?
To be within my life forever.

I’ve been praying.
I’ve been begging.
I’ve been wishing.
All for you to return.

But I understand.
I do.

Because Life is Unkind.

Jordan[: Sat Apr 19, 2008 9:10 am

That
Was
Amazing.

Music* Sat Apr 19, 2008 9:15 am

Aaaah, I'm like almost crying!
I'm going to leave a good comment this time!
My comment on D'fied was pure crap! Wink

You’re departure ripped my heart apart; turned many days into dreary nights.

^^ That was beautiful <3

I’d take back every word.
I’d take back every saying.
I’d take back every feeling if I had the chance.
You never gave me that chance.

^^ Aaaaawh Sad

Well I can quote the entire thing cause it's beautiful!
Just amazing!
You're a really good writer!

<3

**Mileythesmiley** Sat Apr 19, 2008 9:32 am

that was beautiful.
Truly, truly amazing.

**Julesbox.** Sat Apr 19, 2008 9:35 am

Sahara Shade;

You are an amazing writer.
Woah.
I mean..that was beautiful.
I loved it.
So..sad.

It's just amazing. (:

<3

chicken.sandwich Sat Apr 19, 2008 9:45 am

i..
wow

That was just..
wow?
I know no other words for it.

I got all teary eyes and I never get teary eyes.
It was beautiful.
It was more than beautiful.. I just don't know a word for it.. but
wow!

Total love for this one! <3

wow!

I still think that.
I love it.
I never read things twice. But your standalone.. (:

I love you loser.

**Emma-xxx** Fri May 23, 2008 7:37 am

omg...
you just made me cry...
amazing!

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